This May Be The Real Reason You Feel Grumpy and Tired

July 8, 2012 by 2 Comments

As manager of our homes, we have many tasks to complete on any given day.  However, work grinds to a halt if our attitude is off.  When we are irritated or feeling frustrated it is next to impossible to complete even the simplest of tasks.  If that describes you, I want to share a few things that may be responsible for the way you are feeling.

 Are you doing for others what they can do for themselves?

For some reason, maybe it's habit, we continue to do things for our children that they can absolutely do for themselves.  We spend our precious energy running around doing what could easily be done by themselves.  Be on guard for areas where you continue to work, because your children will let you.

Are you making your children too dependent on you?

If your children must come to you before they can complete their responsibilities, then you have made them too dependent on you.  Put systems in place so that your family has the ability to execute without the added step of coming to you and waiting for you to assist them.  If you find yourself unable to complete your responsibilities because you are busy assisting members of the family, it is time to analyze where you can liberate them.

Are you hurting rather than a helping the situation?

Sometimes as a mom, and manager of the home, your attempts to help fail.  Maybe you attempt to speed up a process only to confuse the situation.  Maybe you step in too soon, when resolution of the issue was just about to happen.  Instead of trying to rescue your family from a situation, observe from a distance.  When the time is right, then step in, but not too soon.

All three of these are examples of patterns that deplete our power and weaken our influence.  Create a powerful moment as a mom and a manager by believing that your family is capable. Equip them to succeed with you and without you.  Grow comfortable in waiting patiently for them to ask for your help.

When a mom breaks the cycle that leads to feeling grumpy and tired- that my friends, is a powerful moment!

Your turn, how do you communicate to your family that you believe they are capable?

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Connect to Your Kids, Home Manager Tips

5 Questions to Ask When Your Children Simply Won’t Listen

March 28, 2012 by 2 Comments

What can you do when your child won’t do what you ask? 

Try asking yourself the following questions:

1. Do they know what to do?

Does your child understand what you are asking them to do? Are the steps to completing the task clear?

2. Do they know how to do it?

Sometimes as adult things we ask our children to do seem so simple. It is simple to us, we have done these things hundreds of times. But for our children, everything in their world is new. We must take more time than we think necessary to ensure that they know everything they need to know to succeed at what we are asking them.

3. Do THEY believe they can do it?

Do they have the confidence they need? They may know what to do. They may know how to do it. But if they don’t believe they can do it, they won’t do it!

I remember my mom shared the story of teaching me to ride my bike. My older brother took it upon himself to teach me. He would run up and down the street steadying my bike as I pedaled. Eventually, he could tell that I had the hang of things and he let go. I was fine until I realized that he let go and BAM, down I would go every time. I knew what to do. I knew how to it, but I didn’t believe I could do it without him. That was an issue of confidence, not knowledge.

So when faced with a lack of confidence, no amount of information will answer that doubt.

4. Are they motivated? Do you have buy-in? (trust is a big component)

It is the role of the manager to provide proper motivation when a task needs to be completed. Without motivation all of the know-how and confidence is nullified.It is most helpful to take a step back and determine whether they trust in what you are asking.  Do they have doubts about your solution?  Are there some questions in their mind concerning your motivation or reasoning?

5. How can I lead them?

Keep it positive. The manager must look for ways to inspire their team to follow them. Look for ways to tap into the internal motivators of your team. The things that set their feet on the path to action.

 
Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Your Kids, Home Manager Tips Tagged With:

Question : Statement

March 10, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I was first introduced to the idea of the question:statement ratio from Jim Collins, author of Good to Great and several other successful business books. This key leadership principle applies to leadership both in business and in the home. 

Collins reminds leadership that they have a responsibility to constantly gather information.  Regularly seeking input equips those charge.  Asking questions empowers the team.  Instead of  the passive stance of listening, the team is active, participating, and engaged.

  • What does the team need from me?
  • What is working?
  • What is not working?
  • How could we do things better?

Am I a Leader?

 You may be thinking, hey I am not a leader. I don’t have a business or a team.

Maybe you do; you just never thought of them in that way.

Who are the people you influence in any given day?

Who are the people that ask for your advice, opinion, or insight?

When someone needs help, do they call you?

Then you my friend, are a leader.

Do you have people with whom you interact daily to achieve a common goal?

Do you have a core group that enables you to succeed?

Do you have a group that you are responsible for equipping to help them succeed?

Then you have a team.

As a leader, it is imperative to constantly be gathering information. Constantly checking in with your team. Not so that you can do all of the talking. While you are not to remain silent, you want to keep a check on the number of statements you make in relation to questions.

If you find that you are talking more than listening, that is a clue that your ratios are off. If you notice that your voice is the only one you hear, it’s time to ask a question. A powerful moment awaits the leader who is willing to ask questions and limit their statements.

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Your Kids, Home Manager Tips Tagged With: , ,

Who’s Wearing the Mask?

March 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

In one day I spoke to 5 different people. During those conversations I learned:

  • their biggest fears
  • things they were excited about
  • a recent  huge success
  • two painful losses – a mother and an aunt
  • current challenges they were facing

I have heard it said that “people wear masks”.  "It is hard to really get to the “real person”. I disagree.

What we bring to the conversation dictates what we experience. If we come to the conversation genuinely interested in people, they will share genuinely. If you are not authentic, it is wrong to expect others to be authentic with you.

I do not routinely experience fake people. I make it a point to really connect with people. I am primed and ready for a powerful moment.

If you are not connecting with people, ask yourself the hard question….am I the one wearing the mask?

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Your Kids, Home Manager Tips Tagged With:

Confrontation vs. Communication

March 1, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Confrontation

  • puts people on the defensive
  • causes a feeling of “victim”
  • raises the walls of resistance
  • lessens the opportunity for change

Communication

  • lowers defenses
  • causes a feeling of “being heard”
  • eliminates the need for resisting
  • opens the heart to embrace change

When we confront, we are operating out of our fears. We are focused on ourselves.

In the book Age of Opportunity, Paul Tripp reminds parents that our goal is to get to the heart of the matter. Our goal is to understand what is really happening in our children’s hearts.

If we arrive on the scene and begin announcing what is wrong and quickly move to declaring our solution, we unwittingly remove the need for our children to be involved in the process. We undermine their opportunity to make any reasonable connections to the situation. Our actions, rather than helping, actually hurt our goal of getting to their hearts.

Tripp supplies a list of questions to use on the spot. Instead of launching into the parental viewpoint, he advocates walking your children through the situation step-by-step to analyze what happened. This simple exercise is training them to process what is happening on a heart level. The effort of getting to the heart requires patience.

My husband and I have used these with great success. These simple questions have created a profound shift in the way we approach our children. Asking these questions has enabled us to remain calm in situations that in the past would have escalated into angry confrontations. Instead we were equipped.

Prior to reading this book, we never realized that instead of helping we were really hurting them. After all, it was our responsibility as their parent to point out everything that was wrong.  Or so we thought.

Once we realized our role was to act as a guide for our children. This allowed a powerful shift to take place. Our children now had the freedom to analyze the problem.  They were challenged to make a connection between their thoughts and actions, which lead to ownership and accepting of responsibility.

5 Questions to Ask for Communicating versus Confronting:

  1. What was going on? (Tell me about the situation)
  2. What were you thinking and feeling? (Heart response to the situation)
  3. What did you do? (Behavioral response)
  4. Why did you do it? (Motive, goals, desires that shaped the behavior)
  5. What was the result? (How their response affected the situation)

Because these questions deal with examining motives, they are best suited for children who can handle that level of thought. We tend to use these with our oldest 3, ages 11 and up.

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Connect to Your Kids Tagged With: , ,

The Absolute Easiest Way to Identify Strengths

February 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I would like to share the easiest way I have found to identify your strengths.

Ready?

Look for the things that you complain about.

A complaint is when you notice something wrong and feeling strongly enough to say it out loud.

One of my children is really frustrated by being late. As the family is preparing to leave the house, she can be found reminding various members of the family how much time is left before we must leave.

Initially I was annoyed by her actions. Her constant reminders caused me to feel rushed and anxious.

Until one powerful moment. 

At that moment I realized that she was a gift to our family. That she had something our family needed. We were seemingly doomed to always be late.  Even worse, we were expected to be late. 

Once I saw her gift through new eyes.  I saw how natural it was for her to plan her time well.  I studied the instinctive way she prepared herself to leave.  All at once her reminders no longer irritated me but provoked me to action.

So I empowered her.  I gave her permission to set a time-line for the family. She gets to be “in-charge” of getting us where we need to go.   When when need to be there.  With whatever materials we need to take with us.

Even though it is a strength, it could be used in a way that hurts others, and that is not okay.  She now has one guideline- all of her communication with the family must be done in love. 1 Corinthians 13  kind of love. Patient, kind, not rude, not selfish, not easily provoked, keeping no record of wrongs, but bears up, believes, hopes, endures.

Love never fails – even when we fail – to arrive on time!  

 

What strengths can you identify in your life or in your children ?

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Connect to Your Kids Tagged With:
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