Making Powerful Choices

March 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Choices.

An abundance of choices.

Typically we break-down our choices into two categories, good or bad. I propose that we add another category- Best!

Not all decisions can fit so nicely between good or bad. Sometimes it is not so obvious which category to place an idea, an opportunity, or a relationship. By adding another category we are freed from the limits of A = good or B = bad. Our new liberating and powerful third choice is best.

My husband has a saying – “Good is the enemy of the best.” It is so true! We can make choices that overall are, well…good, but they are not the best. When we settle for good, we rob ourselves of the best.

The next time we experience a moment of decision where it seems that our choices are limited, when it seems that we are offered only two options from which to choose — let’s make a commitment to s-l-o-w down the process long enough to consider that there may be a third and better choice that has yet to be noticed.

Another option that snatches the lid off of the limits before you, and gives you some breathing room. A different conclusion that clarifies the decision making process so that you can make a solid choice.

4 Steps to Arrive at the B.E.S.T. Option:

B- Benefit 

Ask yourself who benefits from this decision? Who will this serve? Who will this help? Who should we consider the most in this decision?

E- Evident

Is all the information that I need to make a quality decision evident? Are my options plain and clear?

S- Sincere

Can I make this decision with sincerity in my heart? Will I have feelings of resentment, angst, or even anger towards others after giving my answer?

T- True

Am I making this decision based on what is true? Will my decision be based on what is real?

Let us make a commitment to no longer limit ourselves to making choices solely between good or bad, but add another category- BEST.

 
Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Home Manager Tips Tagged With: , , , ,

How Much Do We Really Need?

March 26, 2012 by 3 Comments

Tolstoy’s tale entitled “How Much Land Does A Man Need?”  introduces a peasant named Pahom.  Pahom suffers from a common heart condition, discontentment.  Throughout the story he becomes consumed with the desire to expand, grow, and increase. He wants to grow his business.  He want to increase his fortune.  He wants. He wants. He wants.

Each time he grows his business, he become discontent and again pursues further expansion.

One day Pahom learns of an opportunity he could not resist. He can have more land than he ever imagined.  All he had to do was walk and claim the land in just one day. 

And the price? Well worth it, he reasoned. If only……. Oh, how this story rings true in the world today. The never ending quest for more is an unquenchable thirst. No matter how much you acquire there is always…..more!

How often does “enough” seem to elude your very best efforts to acquire “it”.

You know "it":

the bigger house

the nicer car

the higher income

the coolest, newest gadget

The bigger house promises more space, bigger yard, beautiful amenities. The new car will make you look good, and make your children feel cool. The higher income will finally afford you the things you deserve! The newest, coolest gadget is just……COOL!

The Desires of Our Hearts

It is so easy to confuse the desire of our eyes and declare them the desires of our hearts. God promised to give us the desires of our hearts.

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4

It is easy to confuse the cravings of our eyes, with the deepest needs of our hearts. We begin to reason that the material can satisfy the intangible. That the physical can fill the emotional. The root of our discontent is not ultimately met in any of the promises of this world.

We know that, don’t we? Yet, it is still such an easy trap. We work harder. We stay up later. We borrow more. Yet, it still doesn’t satisfy. The pursuit of “more” has a high cost.

So…. how much land did Pahom need?  

The short answer- 6ft, from head to toe.

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2 Ways to Increase Motivation

March 25, 2012 by 3 Comments

Looking for some help in the motivation department?

Do you have some things you need to do, but can’t seem to find the motivation to do them?

Have you put off some things on your to-do list for way too long?

I want to share a solution that is working for me. But beware, only do this if you mean business. These instructions are only for those who are sick and tired of their own excuses.

If you mean business and are done making excuses, then I have a solution for you.

Method A

  • Write a check for $50, $100, or $1,000, some dollar amount that creates incentive for you.
  • Make it out to a local charity.
  • Give the check to a friend with instructions to mail it if you do not complete your goal.

Need more incentive to get moving?

Method B

  • Set a goal.
  • Tell someone close to you. This really works well if you have children.
  • Make a promise involving them,  that will be received when you meet your goal.

For example. Let’s say you have a goal to start a regular exercise routine. Tell your children. “Hey kids, I am going to start walking every evening for 20 minutes. If I do this successfully for 3 weeks, I will treat you guys to the movie of your choice.” Imagine the incentive your children have to make sure that you go walking. Picture yourself trying to lounge in your favorite chair with live-in personal coaches on the job. Ain’t gonna happen.

By involving your team, you have eliminated one of your first barriers to reaching any goal – quitting early. When you involve someone else in your goal. When you give another person a stake in your success, you drastically up your chances at succeeding.

If you are serious about making goals and completing them, put yourself at risk. Write a check for an amount that is beyond your comfort zone. Make a promise to someone you would never want to let down. Tell the world what you are attempting to do. And get to it!

My Recent Goal

Recently I set a goal for myself. I had only 14 days to complete it. I placed this goal in a prominent place in our home. I committed to it in front of all of my children. And I put myself at risk. If I did not complete my goal, I was going to run a 5K.

Now, what you must understand is, I DO NOT like to run. In my eyes the only good reason to run is if something is chasing you. A vicious dog or something like that. But to get up early on a perfectly good lazy Saturday morning. Pay my hard earned money. And then have to run a 5K? This is not my idea of fun. It is more akin to torture for me. So when I told my children that I would run a 5K, their eyes told me everything I needed to know. They knew momma was serious. Well today is my day 14. Did I make my goal? You bet!!! You will not see me at the next 5K race. But to all you runners out there, I am applauding you from under my covers. Now it’s your turn.

  • Make a goal
  • Tell someone
  • Put yourself at risk
  • Make a grand promise
  • Get to work
  • Achieve success
  • Share your goal and your risk here.

I can’t wait to hear about your success, because success in itself is – A Powerful Moment!

 
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4 Things We Can NOT Change

March 23, 2012 by 2 Comments

It is hard for us to accept that there are some things that we can not change. This is especially hard for those of us who believe that if we work hard enough, plan well enough, and pray long enough that certainly things will be different.

At times, this proves to be true. However, there are other times that no matter how hard you work, how much you plan, and how fervently you pray, things will NOT change.

Just what are those things we can’t change? – I know there are skeptics out there who are thinking – we’ll just see about that! So here’s the list:

  1. The day that you were born
  2. The family you were born into
  3. The number of days you will live
  4. The number of hours in a day

Each one of these facts imposes certain limits on each us, while at the same time opens up a world of opportunities.

The time in which we were born

We live in a time where things are happening that previous generations could never have imagined. The possibilities that we consider on any given day were not even imaginable in the past.

Our children take for granted things that we would consider privileges. While we, the parents, label conveniences as needs that our parents would without question classify as luxuries. All of this can be attributed to the time in which we were born.

The family into which we were born

The family we were born into may or may not be what we would have chosen, but is ripe with connections to God, to our purpose, and to others. We would have possibly crafted things differently – a larger family, or smaller family, or any number of others specifics, but what you were given is the perfect preparation for your future.

Notice I did not say that your family was perfect or that certain situations that you experienced were perfect. But I would like to suggest that your imperfect family was part of a perfect plan. To believe anything else would mean that your past was a mistake.

The number of days we will live

I know there are those in the health field who would take issue with #3. If we eat right, exercise, drink the purest of water, take the right supplements, etc., we will live longer. I would like to suggest that we are NOT going to live any longer. We are already going to live forever, but that is not what I am addressing here. We will not physically live any longer than God has preset for us to live.

Now, the real issue is how we will live those days. The choice is in our hands. We can experience health, vitality, and vigor for our numbered days. I believe that!

But that is HOW we live, not how long.

The number of hours in a day

We have 24 hours. That’s it! We have a privilege and responsibility with each one of those hours. Our time can be spent well, or it can be wasted, the choice is ours.

For the most part our days will be a mixture of both, time well spent and time wasted. Let’s be proactive about tipping the scale to time well spent far outweighing total time wasted.

We want to make our lives count. We want to impact the lives of others. We want to empower those around us. None of that is possible, until we accept our limits!

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to God, Connect to Purpose Tagged With: , ,

Confrontation vs. Communication

March 1, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Confrontation

  • puts people on the defensive
  • causes a feeling of “victim”
  • raises the walls of resistance
  • lessens the opportunity for change

Communication

  • lowers defenses
  • causes a feeling of “being heard”
  • eliminates the need for resisting
  • opens the heart to embrace change

When we confront, we are operating out of our fears. We are focused on ourselves.

In the book Age of Opportunity, Paul Tripp reminds parents that our goal is to get to the heart of the matter. Our goal is to understand what is really happening in our children’s hearts.

If we arrive on the scene and begin announcing what is wrong and quickly move to declaring our solution, we unwittingly remove the need for our children to be involved in the process. We undermine their opportunity to make any reasonable connections to the situation. Our actions, rather than helping, actually hurt our goal of getting to their hearts.

Tripp supplies a list of questions to use on the spot. Instead of launching into the parental viewpoint, he advocates walking your children through the situation step-by-step to analyze what happened. This simple exercise is training them to process what is happening on a heart level. The effort of getting to the heart requires patience.

My husband and I have used these with great success. These simple questions have created a profound shift in the way we approach our children. Asking these questions has enabled us to remain calm in situations that in the past would have escalated into angry confrontations. Instead we were equipped.

Prior to reading this book, we never realized that instead of helping we were really hurting them. After all, it was our responsibility as their parent to point out everything that was wrong.  Or so we thought.

Once we realized our role was to act as a guide for our children. This allowed a powerful shift to take place. Our children now had the freedom to analyze the problem.  They were challenged to make a connection between their thoughts and actions, which lead to ownership and accepting of responsibility.

5 Questions to Ask for Communicating versus Confronting:

  1. What was going on? (Tell me about the situation)
  2. What were you thinking and feeling? (Heart response to the situation)
  3. What did you do? (Behavioral response)
  4. Why did you do it? (Motive, goals, desires that shaped the behavior)
  5. What was the result? (How their response affected the situation)

Because these questions deal with examining motives, they are best suited for children who can handle that level of thought. We tend to use these with our oldest 3, ages 11 and up.

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Connect to Your Kids Tagged With: , ,

The Absolute Easiest Way to Identify Strengths

February 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I would like to share the easiest way I have found to identify your strengths.

Ready?

Look for the things that you complain about.

A complaint is when you notice something wrong and feeling strongly enough to say it out loud.

One of my children is really frustrated by being late. As the family is preparing to leave the house, she can be found reminding various members of the family how much time is left before we must leave.

Initially I was annoyed by her actions. Her constant reminders caused me to feel rushed and anxious.

Until one powerful moment. 

At that moment I realized that she was a gift to our family. That she had something our family needed. We were seemingly doomed to always be late.  Even worse, we were expected to be late. 

Once I saw her gift through new eyes.  I saw how natural it was for her to plan her time well.  I studied the instinctive way she prepared herself to leave.  All at once her reminders no longer irritated me but provoked me to action.

So I empowered her.  I gave her permission to set a time-line for the family. She gets to be “in-charge” of getting us where we need to go.   When when need to be there.  With whatever materials we need to take with us.

Even though it is a strength, it could be used in a way that hurts others, and that is not okay.  She now has one guideline- all of her communication with the family must be done in love. 1 Corinthians 13  kind of love. Patient, kind, not rude, not selfish, not easily provoked, keeping no record of wrongs, but bears up, believes, hopes, endures.

Love never fails – even when we fail – to arrive on time!  

 

What strengths can you identify in your life or in your children ?

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