Forgotten dreams

August 12, 2012 by 7 Comments

In July our family went to South Padre Island for vacation.  There were 2 great-grandmothers, 2 grandmothers and 2 grandpa's + our family of 9.  I can't begin to express how much fun we all had together!  We had the adventure of a lifetime.  One of the great grandma's made us take her to the store to buy a swimsuit so she could get in the water too.  She had not been to the beach in 40 years!!!  What a moment.

I wanted to share with you about forgotten dreams.

Years ago my family lived in Florida.  Going to the beach was as normal as going to the grocery store.  We were surrounded by beautiful white sandy beaches.  One day my mom announced that we were moving to Texas.  The next few days and weeks were full of goodbyes and farewells from friends.

One memory I distinctly remember.

As we left the state for the last time, we had to cross a bridge to leave the city and head to Interstate 10.  As we crossed the bridge for the last time, I looked back to see a person rising into the sky para-sailing.  As I looked out of the back window of the car, I said to myself, one day I want to come back here and do that.  I had always wanted to para-sail but the timing was just not right.

Fast forward 24 years later.  I finished high school, married, graduated college, I'm a mother to 7 children, but God had not forgotten that whispered dream.  He heard me loud and clear.  And this summer.  2012- 24 years later- and my para-sailing dream came true!!  My girls even video taped my lift off to share with you!

Maybe you too have a forgotten dream.

I am here to tell you that God heard you and He has not forgotten.  He is able to bring those forgotten dreams into reality.  He is able to do things for you and through you that you never thought would ever happen.  Continue to trust Him with your dreams.  'Cause this momma went para-sailing and it was all I dreamed and more!

That para-sailing moment was indeed A Powerful Moment in my life!

 

 

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to God, Connect to Purpose, Uncategorized

The Real Power of Leadership

August 5, 2012 by 4 Comments

All of us are subject to view authority as our moment to be the boss for a change, while missing the real power of being a leader.  Any false idea of leadership could potentially ruin relationships and break the ties within a family.

Authority has 2 critical parts:
1.    Trust
2.    Service

If  you are in a position of authority you must accept these  two vital parts of your position.  Without fostering trust and without actively serving, your greatest potential is lost.  On the surface it may seem that you are in control or that you are a leader, but the truth is you are a leader in name only.

Clues that you are not leading well:

Your family does not respect you

Your requests go unnoticed or unheeded

You resort to yelling to get your point across

You use shame as a motivation tool

You resort to sarcasm to mask your frustrations and anger

All of these are signs that your leadership is suffering.  In order to restore you the mother, to the position of leadership God intended, you must go back to the basics.  Build trust. & Serve your family well.

I do NOT recommend that you tell them to trust you.  That is not going to work. Trust is earned, you cannot demand it.   I also do not recommend that you announce all the ways that you serve you family and how ungrateful they are- that’s no good too.

Instead try this.  Start looking for ways that you can build the bridge of trust.  One thing, depending on your kids’ ages, is you might just ask them.  Have I done something that has caused you not to trust me?  Have I promised to do something and then didn’t do it?
If  they are too young or don’t provide you with good answers, no problem.  Start making commitments to do things with them.  What are some things that they have been asking you to do with them?  Go someplace, read a book, play a game, come outside?  Commit to do it, and then don’t let anything stop you from honoring the commitment you made to them.

Pay attention to them.  Stop what you are doing.  Remember the training we got in elementary school stop-look-listen.  Who knew we could use it as moms ?!  Make eye contact with them.  Boys may interpret constant eye contact as threatening, but if you do it from time-to-time, it let's them know you are listening.

Acknowledge their feelings and opinions.  They may feel scared, alone, or excited, and giddy and no matter what they are feeling you don't share their emotion.  While they are bursting into tears, you look at the situation and can't seem to figure our what is the matter.  Instead of attempting to change their mood, acknowledge it instead.

Let’s talk about serving.

I know what you are thinking, I can’t possibly do anything more for my family.  If  I do any more, I will implode.  Hold on.  I am not asking you to do more, I am asking you to only do what matters.  You may be doing things, actually I am certain you are doing a ton of things for your family, but that may not matter TO you family.

You may be running around to soccer games, swim meets, playdates, and more, but none of those things truly matter to your children.  They may enjoy them, but if you stopped going, they wouldn’t mind.

They may even be giving you clues about what matters to them.  Do they resist you when it’s time for soccer practice, but you couldn’t tear them away from their legos?  Do they constantly run through the house, but you can’t get them to sit still for music lessons?  It’s possible that what you have planned for them is a dis-service to who they are and what they need.  In all of your efforts to do things for them, they miss the mark of communicating loving service.

Remember that authority is only as strong as the trust and service that come with it.  Your family deserves leadership that is based on trust and undergird with service.

Share your thoughts, I would love to hear them.

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Connect to Your Kids

Victory music!

August 5, 2012 by 5 Comments

2 Things you should know about me:

1. I love to laugh

2 I love to dance

I wanted to share with you one of my victory songs.  One of  those songs that makes you want to get up and s-h-o-u-t!  Any of my conservative friends reading this might not know what I'm talking about, so let me try to explain.  When I was growing up in the church, when the music got good to you or when the preachin'- yes preachin' no 'g" on the end.  When the preachin' got good to you- you let loose with shouting and dancing.  It was your way of trying your best to express your appreciation for the goodness of God in your life.  If you have ever been to a football game or professional sports event and you have seen the fans dancing and clapping and shouting to express their appreciation for the game or the team- same deal!

Well in my life I have many songs, but there's one song that I can't be still when I play it!

I double-dog dare you to be still while listening to this song, 'cause the music is just that good.

But beyond the music and most importantly are the lyrics.  I purposely chose a version with the lyrics so you can read along as the song plays.  If you want to, get up and dance, I do. 

This is the song I play when I over come laziness and do my work out.  This is the song I play when I feel fear trying to stop me, but I press on and trust God.  This is the song I play when it's time to shake off complacency and get about God's business.

C'mon dance with me. click to watch the video!

 

You were tapping your toes weren't you?
The one part- I'm ready, are you ready, then get up and live- right now!

Do you have a victory song?

I would love to hear it!

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to God, Connect to Purpose

This May Be The Real Reason You Feel Grumpy and Tired

July 8, 2012 by 2 Comments

As manager of our homes, we have many tasks to complete on any given day.  However, work grinds to a halt if our attitude is off.  When we are irritated or feeling frustrated it is next to impossible to complete even the simplest of tasks.  If that describes you, I want to share a few things that may be responsible for the way you are feeling.

 Are you doing for others what they can do for themselves?

For some reason, maybe it's habit, we continue to do things for our children that they can absolutely do for themselves.  We spend our precious energy running around doing what could easily be done by themselves.  Be on guard for areas where you continue to work, because your children will let you.

Are you making your children too dependent on you?

If your children must come to you before they can complete their responsibilities, then you have made them too dependent on you.  Put systems in place so that your family has the ability to execute without the added step of coming to you and waiting for you to assist them.  If you find yourself unable to complete your responsibilities because you are busy assisting members of the family, it is time to analyze where you can liberate them.

Are you hurting rather than a helping the situation?

Sometimes as a mom, and manager of the home, your attempts to help fail.  Maybe you attempt to speed up a process only to confuse the situation.  Maybe you step in too soon, when resolution of the issue was just about to happen.  Instead of trying to rescue your family from a situation, observe from a distance.  When the time is right, then step in, but not too soon.

All three of these are examples of patterns that deplete our power and weaken our influence.  Create a powerful moment as a mom and a manager by believing that your family is capable. Equip them to succeed with you and without you.  Grow comfortable in waiting patiently for them to ask for your help.

When a mom breaks the cycle that leads to feeling grumpy and tired- that my friends, is a powerful moment!

Your turn, how do you communicate to your family that you believe they are capable?

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Connect to Your Kids, Home Manager Tips

The Single Most Important Part of Any Decision

July 2, 2012 by 2 Comments

Ever have a big decision to make,

but you felt stuck?

Some have affectionately called it analysis paralysis.  It's when you list out all of the pros and cons, hoping that the next move will become clear, but it doesn’t.  It seems that no matter how much information you gather,  the decision is never gets crystal clear.  In fact, the opposite seems to happen,  the more information you put on the table the harder the decision gets.

So what if you and I are going about this in the wrong way?  Maybe our approach is flawed. Perhaps our process to make a decision is actually keeping us from the very thing we want, a confident decision.  A decision that when you look back, you can say, "You know, everything didn't go as I planned, but I still made the best choice."

So what is the most important part of any decision that we often overlook?  People.

Great decisions are all about one thing, WHO not what.

The single most important factor in any decision you make is to focus on WHO and not WHAT.

The tendency is to focus on what needs to happen, when will it happen, and how will happen.  Your pro/con list is probably filled with an almost 100% focus on what, when, where, and how, but the single key factor is really who!  If you get the who part right, the rest of the issues will fall into place.

Allow me to illustrate how this played out in my family just recently.  We decided to take a family vacation.  Immediately there were all kinds of suggestions on where we should, what we should do, how we should get there.  Drive? Fly? (Uhm- quick answer-NO)  My husband of course wants to know how much is this all going to cost.  You get the idea.

My head began to spin with all of the questions, the details, the possibilities.  Suddenly,  this vacation idea was not so thrilling.  I needed something to clear the indecision fog, because I was stuck.   I shifted my focus from where, what, how, and how much, and instead focused on who.  Almost immediately all of the other questions were answered.  Let me show you a brief glimpse of my process.

Who is going on the trip?

Our trip included 2 sets of grandparents, 2 great-grandparents, my husband and I, and our 7 children ages 15-2.

Who has special needs on the trip? Medical, physical, etc.

Of course the grandparents need to be considered if any of our plans involve lots of walking, hiking, or some other physically demanding activity.  But also my daughters are gluten-free.  We need to be able to accommodate their diet by cooking daily or traveling to cities with plenty of options for them to eat.

Overall "who" considerations:

15 people total including:

4 senior citizens

1  child in diapers

2 children who need steady access to gluten free foods,

Our final decision was to go to the beach. We could get there in about 5 hours.  We rented two condos, right across the street from one another.  The grandparents have ground floor access to their condo, so no stairs to worry about.  We have two kitchens, so less need to eat out, and less concern of wheat allergies.  Those who want adventure can do it, and those who want to just relax- that would be me, can just relax.

Everyone is excited about our plan. I believe it all came together because we focused on people first.  Once the people part was in place, all the other decisions just fit.

I hope that as you make your next decision, whether it's travel or more mundane like what's for dinner,  remember to focus on who first.  Define the key people in your decision.  Who is involved? Who is most affected?  Who is best served?  Start there.  I think you will find that all the other pieces will begin to fall into place from there.

Your turn - What decision do you need to make? 

Will a focus on WHO make a difference?

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Others, Connect to Purpose, Home Manager Tips Tagged With:

How to Get Rid of That Sinking Feeling That You’re Forgetting Something

June 24, 2012 by 5 Comments

Ever had that feeling that you are forgetting something really important, but for the life of you, you can’t figure out what it is?

Ever had so much on your mind that you lie awake or you toss and turn, unable to get to sleep?

How about, have you needed to give someone an important message or answer and keep forgetting to tell them when you see them? Ugh, so frustrating right?!

 

 

I used to stare at the family calendar while saying out loud, “I know that there is something important coming up, but I can’t remember what it is.”  As I stare at the blank calendar and look around to see the blank looks on my children’s faces, I know neither the calendar or my children can help me.  I causally ask friends if they know of anything happening in the next few days, hoping that maybe they could provide a hint, but – nope!

It is such a helpless feeling isn’t it?  You can remember unimportant tidbits of info like the address and phone number of your old house, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to remember, whatever it is that you just know is important. 

There came a time when I had enough of feeling like I was losing my mind.  I would head count the children and if I reached the right number, I resolved everything must be okay. 

In order to stop that sinking feeling that something or someone might be forgotten, I have found a solution that has calmed my mind.  It has actually helped me to sleep better and be more with-it!  If you could use better sleep too, allow me to share.

3 steps  to keep your sanity

  1. Grab a blank journal

  2. Dedicate the journal for the sole purpose of saving your sanity.  This is not the place for doodling when the children are bored in a waiting room.  This is F.M.O.-For Mama Only

  3. Write everything down..  If it is on your mind, write it.  Don’t try to organize it, color code it, or use special symbols.  No way!  Just write it all down, one item per line. 

Every night I sit on the side of the bed and do a brain dump.  Anything that just might weasel it’s way into my thoughts at 1am and disturb my sleep, gets written down.  Throughout the day if a friend shares a great book title, I hear about a show coming to town, my child mentions a gift suggestion for their birthday.  All of these things are written down in my journal.

Get in the habit of writing things down.  It is impossible to try to remember all the niggly little tidbits of information that come up every single day.  In fact, it is a recipe for disaster everytime we say, "I need to remember".  " I need to remember to call and make a dentist appointment."  "I need to remember to pick up batteries at the store"  Or even worse, "Kids, remind me to make that phone call when we get home."  Your children might do a good job of reminding you, but do you really want to rely on them to remember? 

My journal is becoming quite ragged with use, but I can’t begin to tell you the peace and calm I experience by using this simple tool.  Gone are the days that I have to waste time wondering what I forgot.  If I think there might be something, I read through my journal until I am satisfied that all is well.

 

Your turn, what do you do to save your sanity?

Filed Under: Blog, Connect to Purpose, Home Manager Tips Tagged With: ,
« Previous Page
Next Page »