This guest post was written by Tami L. If you have ever felt like you are not measuring up. Like maybe everyone else has it together, but not you. If you find yourself wondering how the "other moms" do it. Then I hope that you find encouragement in Tami's article below. If you could use more encouragement, be sure to check out "No More Perfect Moms- 40 Moms Speak Out" and enjoy a great read by Jill Savage- "No More Perfect Moms" releasing Feb 4th.
Guest Post by Tami L.:
I have a confession to make. I am not a Proverbs 31 woman.
Does that shock you?
Maybe not—maybe you don’t quite measure up to that yardstick either. Don’t get me wrong--I have the desire and the motivation (most of the time), but it just doesn’t always seem to come together for me the way it does for her. I’ve never specifically realized this until today. I was reading an article about all the ways we can strive to be like the beautiful woman of Proverbs 31, and the more I read, the more I felt…well, inadequate.
Let me first say that the article was wonderful and had many helpful suggestions. It was not condemning, not boastful—it was all about great, godly ways we can improve ourselves as women.
But why is that what we always hear about Proverbs 31?
Why do we always hear about the things that we should be doing as wives and mothers—when there is truly another side to the story.
As I read that article, and as I read back through Proverbs 31—do you know what it did? It made me truly look at myself—and see…(drum roll please)….all that was lacking.
Where do I even begin??
How about with this--I do not get up early. As a matter of fact, I overslept this morning.
Even the mornings when I don’t oversleep, I am not usually up before everyone else in my house. I know it is great to have that time to prepare. I know our days would go smoother. I know my husband and children would benefit greatly—but it just doesn’t work out that way most of the time. I am just too much of a night owl—no matter how hard I try not to be.
I can’t sew.
Really—not at all. I took a sewing course in high school—and almost failed. I couldn’t wear the outfit I made to school (even though it would have given me extra credit)—because I couldn’t get it on. However, I have recently discovered that Patch Attach iron-on works wonders!
Housecleaning is not my forte either.
I am always looking for ways to get the clutter and mess under control—but it always seems to be just out of my grasp. I’ve tried daily household chores for each family member, various cleaning schedules, organizational methods and more. It gets better, yet somehow it never seems to workout just right for us. Come over unannounced some time—you’ll see.
I don’t always speak with wisdom.
Sometimes I do—but a lot of times my mouth gets me in trouble. Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain. Well, actually a lot of times. Worse than that—it is hard for me to admit it when it happens.
My children do not always call me blessed.
Sometimes they call me unfair. Sometimes they call me mean. Sometimes rightfully so. Although, my oldest child just walked in, hugged me, and called me “the best mama in the world”. That’s pretty close to blessed, huh?
Am I writing this so you all can see just how miserably I fail to measure up?
Well, yes and no—though these confessions are only the tip of the iceberg. Am I writing this as a pity party? No, not today—though I‘ve had my share of those too!
I’m writing this because today God showed me something about myself in Proverbs 31—and it wasn’t about the things I need to strive to do better. He helped me to see that the Proverbs 31 woman is an ideal—she is indeed who we look to in trying to figure out how to be a more devoted mother, a better organized wife, a more virtuous woman.
But why is that “ideal” in the Bible if I am always going to be just short of her level of Godliness?!
Does God put her in the Bible so we will all be running on this hamster wheel until we fall over from exhaustion?
Does He put her in there so we can struggle with insecurities for the rest of our lives?
Is it so He can gloat over us as we try so hard to be that perfect example of beauty and love?
No—that’s not the God I serve. And it’s not biblical. I realized the answer is very simple—are you ready for this? Mrs. Proverbs 31 is there to show me my very deep need of God’s grace and mercy.
If I could do everything that the Proverbs 31 lady could do, why would I even need God? Why would my husband? Why would my children? I don’t WANT to be self-sufficient. I want to be GOD-sufficient. I want to lay my life—with all of its inadequacies and failures—before the throne of my Almighty Savior.
I want HIM to make up the difference. I want my children to see Him make up the difference—so then THEY will let Him make up the difference in their lives.
Or, better yet, here’s what the Bible says about it in Romans 4:4-5 (in the Message version): “If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.”
Being a hard-working mother, an always-got-it-together wife, a Godly woman who always makes the right choices—those are definitely jobs that are “too big for me”. Thank God for His Gift.
Will I keep seeking out ways to get the clutter under control? You bet.
Will I keep struggling to wake up earlier in the morning? Most days.
Will I try to keep my tongue under control? Of course.
But I’m going to do LESS of all that. I am going to do MORE talking to Jesus about the ways I need HIM to make our family and home complete. Instead of trying to get an extra load of laundry in, I am going to take the time to have a quick heart-to-heart with my Maker.
When I start beating myself up when I just can’t get everything done, I am going to ask for mercy and grace to serve Him in the ways that are truly important. I am going to ask God to show me HIS priorities—and not only to help me arrange those priorities, but to forgive me when I don’t get them right.
I am going to do less trying within myself to measure up and more laying myself at the foot of the cross. When I am inadequate, I am going to strive to show my children how God makes up for those inadequacies. In the many areas I am lacking, I am going to let God’s mercy fill in the gaps.
I’ll never receive the award for Proverbs 31 “Woman of the Year”….but that’s OK. I am overflowing in God’s grace and mercy—and to me, that is truly a crown of honor.
Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV)
10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
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