The Real Power of Leadership

All of us are subject to view authority as our moment to be the boss for a change, while missing the real power of being a leader.  Any false idea of leadership could potentially ruin relationships and break the ties within a family.

Authority has 2 critical parts:
1.    Trust
2.    Service

If  you are in a position of authority you must accept these  two vital parts of your position.  Without fostering trust and without actively serving, your greatest potential is lost.  On the surface it may seem that you are in control or that you are a leader, but the truth is you are a leader in name only.

Clues that you are not leading well:

Your family does not respect you

Your requests go unnoticed or unheeded

You resort to yelling to get your point across

You use shame as a motivation tool

You resort to sarcasm to mask your frustrations and anger

All of these are signs that your leadership is suffering.  In order to restore you the mother, to the position of leadership God intended, you must go back to the basics.  Build trust. & Serve your family well.

I do NOT recommend that you tell them to trust you.  That is not going to work. Trust is earned, you cannot demand it.   I also do not recommend that you announce all the ways that you serve you family and how ungrateful they are- that’s no good too.

Instead try this.  Start looking for ways that you can build the bridge of trust.  One thing, depending on your kids’ ages, is you might just ask them.  Have I done something that has caused you not to trust me?  Have I promised to do something and then didn’t do it?
If  they are too young or don’t provide you with good answers, no problem.  Start making commitments to do things with them.  What are some things that they have been asking you to do with them?  Go someplace, read a book, play a game, come outside?  Commit to do it, and then don’t let anything stop you from honoring the commitment you made to them.

Pay attention to them.  Stop what you are doing.  Remember the training we got in elementary school stop-look-listen.  Who knew we could use it as moms ?!  Make eye contact with them.  Boys may interpret constant eye contact as threatening, but if you do it from time-to-time, it let's them know you are listening.

Acknowledge their feelings and opinions.  They may feel scared, alone, or excited, and giddy and no matter what they are feeling you don't share their emotion.  While they are bursting into tears, you look at the situation and can't seem to figure our what is the matter.  Instead of attempting to change their mood, acknowledge it instead.

Let’s talk about serving.

I know what you are thinking, I can’t possibly do anything more for my family.  If  I do any more, I will implode.  Hold on.  I am not asking you to do more, I am asking you to only do what matters.  You may be doing things, actually I am certain you are doing a ton of things for your family, but that may not matter TO you family.

You may be running around to soccer games, swim meets, playdates, and more, but none of those things truly matter to your children.  They may enjoy them, but if you stopped going, they wouldn’t mind.

They may even be giving you clues about what matters to them.  Do they resist you when it’s time for soccer practice, but you couldn’t tear them away from their legos?  Do they constantly run through the house, but you can’t get them to sit still for music lessons?  It’s possible that what you have planned for them is a dis-service to who they are and what they need.  In all of your efforts to do things for them, they miss the mark of communicating loving service.

Remember that authority is only as strong as the trust and service that come with it.  Your family deserves leadership that is based on trust and undergird with service.

Share your thoughts, I would love to hear them.