This summer I decided to do summer school with my children.

Each morning my children and I met at the kitchen table, 7am sharp.  Not 7:01- 7!  Yes, I am that kind-of mama.  All of my friends’ children hug them and bless them when I share that story.  Anyway, we would have summer school from 7-9am each morning, then breakfast.

My children needed to beef up their math skills.  Math was one subject that really suffered this past school year for everyone.  But one particular child really struggled.

One morning I chose to focus solely on her and helping her grasp multiplication.  This is my fourth time helping a child with multiplication, should be a piece of cake right?  Wrong!

The more I tried to explain the math concepts, the less she understood.  The less she understood the more frustrated I was becoming.  I felt like I was explaining kindergarten concepts to a 3^rd grader and making no progress.  Ugh!

This particular child is also very sensitive.  When she senses that I am upset with her, I can forget it, all learning is over.  And I was indeed upset.

You see we were only supposed to be at the table for 2 hours. 

I wanted to focus on her first, but not for the whole table time.  I wanted to help her, but I didn’t intend for it take the entire school session.  So yes I wanted her to understand, but even more I wanted her to get her work done!

Completing her math assignment for the day allowed me to put a check in a box and call it done!  But I had a problem, my daughter did not understand the concept.  She could have put some numbers on a piece of paper, answered some questions, and possibly gotten a few right, but she did not understand the process.

I wanted to have a successful day of summer school and that meant completing this math assignment.  I was deceived.

My priorities were all out of whack.  The goal of completing an assignment became a higher priority than my daughter.  Finishing the task took precedent over her lack of understanding.  My timetable refused to make space for her to get detailed explanation she desperately needed.

This is not the first time.  There have been times where my success was defined as a clean home, an organized desk, a completed to-do list, a whirl wind errand list, you name it!  I had made my mind up and I was set on accomplishing my goal and achieving success meant completing my list.  Have you ever been there?

Let's commit as moms to service over success.

Let's ask, how can I best serve my family right now.

Maybe we could even shift success to mean when we best serve the needs of the person God has placed in front of us right now.  Then we are free to trust Him with the time to complete the tasks we desire to complete.

Let's choose service as the best form of success!

All of us are subject to view authority as our moment to be the boss for a change, while missing the real power of being a leader.  Any false idea of leadership could potentially ruin relationships and break the ties within a family.

Authority has 2 critical parts:
1.    Trust
2.    Service

If  you are in a position of authority you must accept these  two vital parts of your position.  Without fostering trust and without actively serving, your greatest potential is lost.  On the surface it may seem that you are in control or that you are a leader, but the truth is you are a leader in name only.

Clues that you are not leading well:

Your family does not respect you

Your requests go unnoticed or unheeded

You resort to yelling to get your point across

You use shame as a motivation tool

You resort to sarcasm to mask your frustrations and anger

All of these are signs that your leadership is suffering.  In order to restore you the mother, to the position of leadership God intended, you must go back to the basics.  Build trust. & Serve your family well.

I do NOT recommend that you tell them to trust you.  That is not going to work. Trust is earned, you cannot demand it.   I also do not recommend that you announce all the ways that you serve you family and how ungrateful they are- that’s no good too.

Instead try this.  Start looking for ways that you can build the bridge of trust.  One thing, depending on your kids’ ages, is you might just ask them.  Have I done something that has caused you not to trust me?  Have I promised to do something and then didn’t do it?
If  they are too young or don’t provide you with good answers, no problem.  Start making commitments to do things with them.  What are some things that they have been asking you to do with them?  Go someplace, read a book, play a game, come outside?  Commit to do it, and then don’t let anything stop you from honoring the commitment you made to them.

Pay attention to them.  Stop what you are doing.  Remember the training we got in elementary school stop-look-listen.  Who knew we could use it as moms ?!  Make eye contact with them.  Boys may interpret constant eye contact as threatening, but if you do it from time-to-time, it let's them know you are listening.

Acknowledge their feelings and opinions.  They may feel scared, alone, or excited, and giddy and no matter what they are feeling you don't share their emotion.  While they are bursting into tears, you look at the situation and can't seem to figure our what is the matter.  Instead of attempting to change their mood, acknowledge it instead.

Let’s talk about serving.

I know what you are thinking, I can’t possibly do anything more for my family.  If  I do any more, I will implode.  Hold on.  I am not asking you to do more, I am asking you to only do what matters.  You may be doing things, actually I am certain you are doing a ton of things for your family, but that may not matter TO you family.

You may be running around to soccer games, swim meets, playdates, and more, but none of those things truly matter to your children.  They may enjoy them, but if you stopped going, they wouldn’t mind.

They may even be giving you clues about what matters to them.  Do they resist you when it’s time for soccer practice, but you couldn’t tear them away from their legos?  Do they constantly run through the house, but you can’t get them to sit still for music lessons?  It’s possible that what you have planned for them is a dis-service to who they are and what they need.  In all of your efforts to do things for them, they miss the mark of communicating loving service.

Remember that authority is only as strong as the trust and service that come with it.  Your family deserves leadership that is based on trust and undergird with service.

Share your thoughts, I would love to hear them.